Your mommys and daddys are all TOTAL NITWITS AND IGNORAMUSES!!! But it’s NOT your fault!!!
So is the President!!!
Tell them it’s time to go home and watch a Peppa Pig marathon for the next 30 days straight!!! That’s right kids, Peppa Pig!!! For 30 days!!! STRAIGHT!!! DOCTOR’S ORDERS!!!
After that, Make a fort with your pillows! Get out your damn coloring books! Play PAC-MAN! Write a letter to grandma while she’s still alive! Learn how to cook your own damn meal for once! Don’t your parents have the God Damn Disney Channel Damn it?!?
Now get your grubby little hands off of those infected monkey bars immediately and go WASH EVERYTHING!
Cause I’m spraying this entire playground down with Bleach Right Freakin NOW!!!!!!